when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize