I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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