Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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