Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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