Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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