i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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