shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize