were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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