she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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