A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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