I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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