All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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