i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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