OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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