no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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