there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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