I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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