when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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