We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
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He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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