We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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