god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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