I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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