I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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