Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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