You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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