My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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