Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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