Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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