can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize