Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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