all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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