maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize