I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
zippers are such a cool invention
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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