it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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