After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This toilet bowl is my home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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