im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize