I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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