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i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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