found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Farmville is her only friend.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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