You really coming over, don't trick.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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