I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize