I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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