Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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