Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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