I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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