My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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