Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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