i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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