Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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