I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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